Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable… Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
As we approach this adoption ever so quickly (but yet slowly in my head because if it isn’t happening right now, right now, right now I get impatient and after the 2 year mark I started to become a crazy person…I digress). We have begun looking (HESITANTLY) at baby stuff which terrifies the SHIT out of me for two reasons…(sorry for the curse word but it effectively communicates my terrifiedness).
1. Because we have been here before and been emotionally invested in baby stuff and realized that we didn’t need to buy baby stuff- boo
and
2. Because Greg and I will be in charge of a life and we are still trying to figure out how to function as human beings ourselves – I always misplace things like refrigerated items in different areas of the house…seriously, cheese has been found in mysterious places…
Currently we are reading profiles of birth mothers which makes everything more REAL. I can’t quite communicate this situation in a blog so if you are curious please ask. It has been quite an emotional/heavy few weeks of learning the stories of many different women. My heart breaks with each story.
We are also coming to grip with the fact that while adoption is a WONDERFUL and REDEMPTIVE thing, it is not how life was meant to be and God comes into this brokenness and brings redemption…yay God. So while thinking about this, I think about how to communicate adoption to our future little kiddo and how much God loves him/her. And all I can think about is that Superman is adopted…and Superman is awesome. Also, Ice-T is adopted but maybe not as cool to a little kid as Superman or appropriate because we all would judge a mom who let their kid listen to Ice-T. So yay to Superman being adopted! I hope our kid is proud to come from a story like this because I am so proud to be a part of this story that is so much bigger than myself.
We didn’t share this with a lot of people but we got an email on Christmas Eve Eve from our adoption referral asking if we would be interested in adopting an 18 month old boy. We needed to submit our portfolio immediately. I responded immediately with YES! YES! YES! We put our portfolio together in 3 hours and submitted it. And it was a kick butt portfolio! Gosh, it is nice to have a designer at my beckon call. I do sometimes just come up with these random ideas and Greg makes these ideas look fancy.
But Anyway, Christmas weekend was a shaky weekend for us. I was forever by my phone waiting for a call whether or not she picked us.
I got another call 4 days later saying the birth mom had not decided and she will keep her child. And so we continue to pray for this little boy. That his mother will love him and God will direct his heart to Him.
It is a funny feeling of waiting for someone to choose you to parent their child. My heart breaks for this little boy. What does his future hold? What are the circumstances of this adoption? My heart breaks for his mother. Gosh, what a decision to make! And my heart breaks for myself as well as the other couples who were considered. This is a hard process because it starts with loss. While we are so excited about adopting, our hearts continue to break for birth mothers who have to make these decisions because it is a completely selfless one. Through the few days of waiting we had peace. We continue to have peace that God is sovereign. And He was. And He is.
We continue to wait. We continue to pray. We will submit our portfolio in January. We are so thankful that we get to adopt. We aren’t sure why God wants us to walk this path but we continue to even though we are so undeserving. We are still raising money for our adoption. To be honest we are walking blind financially. I know how much we have. It isn’t enough. But I know that God will provide. This is a time I will never forget – this complete dependence on God. I wouldn’t trade this time for anything in the world.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas. We did – on Christmas we bounce from house to house but we love it that way. Our life never lacks adventure 
Right now some of our best friends Tim and Jen are doing a raffle for our adoption. Head on over to her blog if you want to be a part of it or go to her facebook page. Keep watching adoption is good – there will be more to come in the New Year! Thank you Willis’! I am honored and so thankful for this.
A virtual Merry Christmas from the Sykes!
No no no, nothing bad has happened. We are still in the waiting stage of our adoption and raising money – more on that here (www.adoptionisgood.com). This is still a Christmas of longing. Awaiting God’s answer to a plea. I will never forget last Christmas where I wanted to forget about Christmas all together. We didn’t get a Christmas tree and I worked as hard as I could so I could watch the holidays pass. I will never forget last year – as my heart ached for what I had lost and still aches for our sweet babies who are in heaven. I don’t say this for sympathy but as a reminder to myself that Christmas is a hard time of year for so many – loss of children, parents, family, friends, homes or jobs and the “holiday spirit” seems to sometimes worsen that.
So if that is you – you are not alone. We have a Christmas tree this year, but this year there are tears of longing that we are not Home yet, tears that some people we love are already Home. I don’t know if anyone finds comfort in that but sometimes it is nice to know that you aren’t the only one. I don’t want to sound bitter – this is not bitterness – this is longing for our redemption.
Here are a few blogs that I follow that are a reminder of longing during the holidays, well longing in general. I don’t mean to bring gloominess into the holidays but just a reminder that Christmas isn’t about all the happy blogs, the wonderful facebook posts, and everything else that “looks” pretty and put together – it is about a God who longed to have us in His arms forever and broke His own heart for us. It is about redemption and hope…and here’s to that!
And a song that I have held close to my heart during a season of longing:
Sweet Sorrow
1. Oh sweet sorrow, on the heels of my reckless soul
Oh sweet sorrow,
Flooding all around me now, red sea rising to my shoulders
Where we walked across dry land—so long ago.
2. Oh sweet mercy, your love letter it bleeds my pride.
Oh sweet mercy,
Now I’ve sold all you gave, other lovers could not save me
But you are kind and strong and will not leave me to die.
3. Oh sweet redemption
Smell the burning incense fire
Oh sweet redemption
Least of these, a chosen few, raise the mighty from the fool
Your ways are not like mine—they are much higher.
words and music by SANDRA MCCRACKEN. © 2010 DRINK YOUR TEA MUSIC (ASCAP), admin. by SIMPLEVILLE MUSIC, inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
While I wait impatiently and just don’t quite understand why building a famiy is so difficult for us I find comfort that nothing was easy for our Saviour either and as I experience pain and waiting I grow closer to the One who will eventually call me Home:
“A stable was not where Joseph wanted to be that night. It held no romance for him. He was only there out of desperation.
But the stable was not about Joseph or Mary. It was about the Son of God making himself nothing (Philippians 2:7). He had come to humble himself to unfathomable depths. So he borrowed a stable for his birth. Later, after an excruciating death to make propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:10), he would borrow a tomb (Matthew 27:59–60).
And in that is a Christmas word to us. There are times, while seeking to follow God faithfully, we find ourselves in a desperate moment, forced to a place we would not choose to go. It’s then we must remember: we are not our own (1 Corinthians 6:19–20).
Our lives and circumstances are not ultimately about us. They are about Jesus Christ. The Father has purposes for us and our hardships that extend far beyond us. And often what appears like a misfortune or a lack of provision in the moment later proves to be a means of great mercy.
So maybe what we need most this Christmas is not less turmoil, but more trust. For God chooses stables of desperation as the birthplaces of his overwhelming grace” -A Stable of Desperation, Desiring God.
We are selling Christmas ornaments to raise money for our adoption.
Ornaments of Hope are ceramic ornaments containing the words hope, faith and joy.
They are ceramic with a pearl paint and lacquer and contain the words hope, faith and joy pressed into the ceramic. The size is a circle of 2.5 inches (diameter) and hangs from a red, white, and khaki string.
100% of the proceeds from the Ornaments of Hope will go towards our adoption.
Head on over to adoptionisgood.com to check it out.
Also, if you want to keep up to date on our journey we are sending out periodical emails as things progress. Join the newsletter on that page if you would like to receive updates.
Thanks friends! Thanks for following along!
We went to Portland with friends in the spring. I went to Portland in college and it was great to revisit that town.
Powell’s Books – they have 3 buildings worth of books. I never wanted to leave Powell’s Books.
Japanese Gardens overlooking the city
Portland Timbers Game – the fans to the far left were the most unbelievable fans I have ever seen in sports. It was cold and rainy – we happened to be covered and had coffee but those guys stood literally the entire time cheering on the team.
Early morning at Stumptown Coffee – the next 2 pictures of me look like I just woke up. Good morning Portland!!!
Portland Farmers Market
It was so much fun. We spent both the spring and fall on the west coast. We also drove the Pacific Coast Highway in the fall and spent time in San Francisco for work. I’ll post those pictures a little later. Can’t wait to bring our little kiddo on our trips next year. The Pacific Coast Highway would be an unbelievable family trip.
For some reason there are good days and bad days. But dang this waiting is hard. There are times when I believe the lies that if only I had done things differently or maybe if I had been better we wouldn’t have to wait this long, but that is not how God works or maybe if I ate better or ran more or worked harder or started younger or didn’t like my job or had a better job (Feel free to laugh, I know the last one is ridiculous but again it doesn’t have to be logical). Silly me.
I wish I could just make things appear or bargain with God or just fix something or just make the adoption happen if I snapped my fingers. Or if I had more or less or different. Sometimes I wish this waiting was a punishment because I could just fix it or something. Sometimes it feels like this waiting is a punishment when it is so easy for so many people – like they have done something right. But that is a lie.
I know truth. I know that I am so undeserving. I am more aware than ever that I am undeserving. I know that God is good but this waiting is the hardest. Just the hardest. That hopeless feeling that creeps in is the worst, but it is a lie. Just a big fat lie from the devil. “For he comes to steal, kill, and destroy BUT I have come to bring you life and life to the fullest.”
But when everything tangible shows you that you have done things wrong and are doing things the wrong way it is hard to believe the truth. It is hard to get out of the health and wealth gospel – as long as I do thinks right then I will continue to get blessings. I am so thankful I don’t have to earn grace because I would never get there. That is why I love this verse:
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”
Hebrews 11:1
We had a lovely Thanksgiving. We had fun with family and finished the night off with friends, beer and conversation and who could not be thankful for beer.
Thank you everyone who has wanted to be a part of this journey with us. Thank you to those who have donated, called, and served us – we.are.undeserving. We have applied for a few grants and will start hearing back in December. We are ALMOST half way there financially. According to our adoption referral once we get half way there financially we can begin presenting our portfolio. Thank you friends for being our community and listening to my rants.
Thanks everyone who celebrated my birthday, wished me a happy birthday or thought about me on my birthday. What a lovely week/year it has been. The week of birthday was a success and I am officially exhausted. I am already in planning mode of Greg’s birthday in January. I’ll have to do a recap of birthday – there was traveling, cake, friends and cider beer.
Off to watch Thirteen Going on Thirty as my final celebration as I fold laundry and eat cake.
