No no no, nothing bad has happened. We are still in the waiting stage of our adoption and raising money – more on that here (www.adoptionisgood.com). This is still a Christmas of longing. Awaiting God’s answer to a plea. I will never forget last Christmas where I wanted to forget about Christmas all together. We didn’t get a Christmas tree and I worked as hard as I could so I could watch the holidays pass. I will never forget last year – as my heart ached for what I had lost and still aches for our sweet babies who are in heaven. I don’t say this for sympathy but as a reminder to myself that Christmas is a hard time of year for so many – loss of children, parents, family, friends, homes or jobs and the “holiday spirit” seems to sometimes worsen that.
So if that is you – you are not alone. We have a Christmas tree this year, but this year there are tears of longing that we are not Home yet, tears that some people we love are already Home. I don’t know if anyone finds comfort in that but sometimes it is nice to know that you aren’t the only one. I don’t want to sound bitter – this is not bitterness – this is longing for our redemption.
Here are a few blogs that I follow that are a reminder of longing during the holidays, well longing in general. I don’t mean to bring gloominess into the holidays but just a reminder that Christmas isn’t about all the happy blogs, the wonderful facebook posts, and everything else that “looks” pretty and put together – it is about a God who longed to have us in His arms forever and broke His own heart for us. It is about redemption and hope…and here’s to that!
And a song that I have held close to my heart during a season of longing:
Sweet Sorrow
1. Oh sweet sorrow, on the heels of my reckless soul
Oh sweet sorrow,
Flooding all around me now, red sea rising to my shoulders
Where we walked across dry land—so long ago.
2. Oh sweet mercy, your love letter it bleeds my pride.
Oh sweet mercy,
Now I’ve sold all you gave, other lovers could not save me
But you are kind and strong and will not leave me to die.
3. Oh sweet redemption
Smell the burning incense fire
Oh sweet redemption
Least of these, a chosen few, raise the mighty from the fool
Your ways are not like mine—they are much higher.
words and music by SANDRA MCCRACKEN. © 2010 DRINK YOUR TEA MUSIC (ASCAP), admin. by SIMPLEVILLE MUSIC, inc. All rights reserved. Used by permission.
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December 23, 2011 at 2:50 PM
Laura Sue
Jess, while I haven’t experienced the same loss you have, I certainly identify with missing others who are Home during the holidays (as well as other times of the year). It is so hard and confusing to me – even as an adult- that I can’t be with all the people I love and cherish always..you know, that we can’t all live together here, on earth. But then…then I question if those who are already Home would even call what we do here on earth “living” or just existing… As much as I try to LIVE I’m excited for the day when I can truly live in heaven and praise my heavenly Father in ways I haven’t even dreamt. In our limited human understanding, time seems almost suspended when we’d rather be somewhere else. I’m so thankful though that you and I both know that while we’re still here, we are called to serve and praise an Almighty God – the same one who will heal our hurts and reward our patience and faithfulness. We are all God’s children. I find great comfort in knowing that no matter how old our earthly age is, God is well equipped to take care of us and our loved ones when they are Home. I missing along with you, my friend.