When Greg and I began the adoption process we met with many different people who had adopted and been adopted. I remember one woman we met with talked about her open adoption and my mouth literally dropped. Gosh, she had a lot of grace because I asked all the wrong questions with all the wrong words. Now with what I know, I am sure unknowingly I spoke that entire conversation with my foot in my mouth.
Needless to say, Greg and I left that conversation and decided that open adoption was not for us. It didn’t seem natural. In fact, I think every meeting we had about adoption we left saying it wasn’t for us. It didn’t feel natural…luckily God doesn’t care about what this world thinks is natural or what I think feels natural. And now most of the time I don’t give a damn what this world thinks is natural.
As we began the adoption process and we learned about these women who were carrying these kiddos we realized that maybe we could do open adoption. We knew that not only did we want to build a family, but that adoption is so much bigger than bringing home our kiddo – it was an avenue to love on more people. I love that God is a God of relationships and that Jesus came and built relationships because it just seemed “natural” to build a relationship with these women. Some liked us – some didn’t. But we met an amazing women who was carrying our amazing kid. We still pray for her daily and know that open adoption in this case, is the way for us.
We love this lady and are honored she wants to be apart of our life. From the moment we met her we just all made sense – the three of us were supposed to love this little guy that Greg and I were lucky enough to raise. I know adoption starts with loss and that adoption isn’t God’s original plan but when I think of Greg, “M” (Emerson’s birthmom) and myself I just think this is a story of redemption and the three of us are supposed to be a team, ya know? Like she was just supposed to be apart of our life – and she is our family. I know this probably sounds complicated but it isn’t. I am Em’s mom and I am confident in that but I also know that Em’s birthmom needs to play a part in his story as well for him, for her and for us.
I am not doing anything good or great here but I just wanted to share our story in case anyone else is going through the adoption process and felt like we did a few years ago. And maybe a lot of people’s mouths will drop and that’s OK – ours did a few years ago. We were scared of open adoption and to be honest when we adopt again it will scare me all over again. It’s just the unknown. Just like when you are pregnant and you are scared you will birth a horny toad baby with nine fingers – during my pregnancies I may have been scared of that. But I am learning over and over that there is so much more than this world and that bigger plan is just better. But we were scared of open adoption and we just do it now. It is just part of our life – I don’t know life any other way. Also, sharing about open adoption is scary for me…it is just so personal. I have received many hurtful questions about open adoption that it makes me kind of clam up – but I think it is important to talk about. So while I am open about the status of our adoption I will not share much more about her.
Also, know that open adoption is not the way for everyone. I know it’s hard and sometimes it just can’t happen. So I get that and I should never be a spokesperson for anything because I live with my foot in my mouth.
*This picture has absolutely nothing to do with open adoption just ya know an evening of putting our pants on our heads.