I love being an adoptive mom. I love it. It is hard and sometimes lonely; sometimes I wish I had a community of friends who I could laugh with and who have gone through adoption first hand but I love the way our family was made. I love the silly things people say and I love the friends who have worked so hard to be my place to land and even though they didn’t experience adoption first hand they went through the pain with me first hand and will fight with me. Is that one run-on sentence? Maybe.

Here are some things I have noticed in the last 9 months as this adoptive mother that may be different then mothers of biological kiddos…or maybe not and everyone feels like this. If so, ignore. *Note: I stick my foot in my mouth and do not speak for everyone.

1. People love to tell us we look like E.  And Greg really does look like him and E is starting to use my hand motions but it always makes me laugh. It isn’t offensive or rude to say that and it’s cute when we hear it, but when people say that I sometimes feel like others think it is a compliment…which it might be to others honestly, but we don’t care if he looks like us or not. We love him either way.

2. I love Emerson’s birth mom.  She is my hero. I thought there would be jealously or something but I just think she is the greatest. I get so excited when I hear from her. I can’t wait to tell E how much we love her and I can’t wait for him to look at her and see why he looks the way he does.

3. I know that bloodlines or biology makes no difference in a family.  I didn’t know it before E but I know it now. I know it with my whole being. I love this kid like I carried him. Like I carried him for 3 years. I sometimes get the “aw, I’m so sorry you couldn’t get pregnant.” But I just don’t care. I know that families are not created inside of bloodlines. It makes me want to adopt everyone so everyone has a family. Christians always say how blessed they were to get pregnant…I am so blessed to have not.

4. Walking into events is hard. Knowing that I am going to get a lot of questions about adoption is hard. I love talking adoption but when it is a mass event sometimes it is nice to just be mom. Sometimes I just want to talk about my preferred diaper instead of questions about my kid’s racial background or what his birth mom is doing. I know by adopting you become an ambassador of adoption…so I am trying to learn to be more proactive about the conversation.

5. I want to be friends with people who have adopted. I don’t have a lot of friends who have adopted first hand but I would love to talk ultrasounds or birth moms or the getting a social security card for your kid talk. Ya know – the normal stuff. Warning…I am trying to get you to come to my side.

6. I appreciate the friends who haven’t been through it first hand but will live with me through it and will try to understand. Those who say the awkward things or the funny things and laugh with me. I love that and I am thankful for that.

7. I am worried I am going to mess my kid up all the time. OK that is probably an across the board thing. But seriously, who would let me be responsible for another human being. The fact that it was a choice by multiple people AND the state and federal government concerns me to no end. I would eat ice cream for dinner every night and now I am supposed to force vegetables…poppycock.

Again, just what I have noticed. Neither is better. I have some thick skin and usually don’t mind offensive statements…unless it is meant in malice and then I will probably correct. Anyone else notice differences? I may have another addition of this post as I continue to be adoptive mom.

 

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